The Dharma of Fleabag
“It is not impermanence that makes us suffer.
What makes us suffer is wanting things to be permanent, when they are not.”
- Thich Nhat Hanh
Impermanence will be the end of us all. And truly it will be. We are born and then we die, and that is all the certainty we are able to hold on to in this life. Yet, if we harp on the fact of our very impermanence we will miss being present for anything that comes our way. If life itself isn’t a paradox, I don’t know what is!
I think Fleabag herself, and most humans for that matter, would agree that the impermanence of everything is both terrifying and liberating. No embarrassing moments (ahem, Fleabag’s Godmother’s “Sexhibition”), and no terrible haircut (hello Fleabag’s sister, Claire!) will last forever. But the law of nature doesn’t stop there. No epic friendship (Fleabag + Boo) or deep romance (Fleabag + Hot Priest) can last forever either. These are the rules for the game of life that we never signed up for, but have no choice but to play by.
When I feel overwhelmed by the impermanence of life, love, and everything in between, I try to remind myself of one of the core tenets of Buddhist philosophy: impermanence is not a cause of suffering in and of itself, but clinging to what is inevitably transient (and nothing in our world is not), is at the root of all suffering.
We cling to what we have for fear of it being taken away, and we cling to our desires for fear of never having them to begin with. Becoming cognizant of our very human default mode of clinging is essential to the path of awakening, awakening in each moment to the present experience. This “cessation of hunger” can be attained, according to the Buddha himself, with deep training. As Buddhist teacher Gregory Kramer writes in Insight Dialogue, “The only attainment is that of letting go, of the stillness of the unseeking heart.” (pg. 70).
What I believe is so beautiful and poignant (not to mention so relatable and hilarious) about Fleabag is that her seeking of acceptance and love is evident in all of her actions. And she always manages to bounce back. Fleabag demonstrates her hunger for pleasure, for meaning, for purpose (like we all have) unabashedly, as if she can’t not be that way.
In season two, she appears to find everything she has always wanted in Hot Priest (swoon!). Yet, he has to choose between his devotion for her and his devotion to God. I would argue that Hot Priest makes the easier choice, out of fear of the impermanence of love and its inevitable demise with death. He has clung too hard to the permanence of God’s love. Why? Because impermanence is downright scary, and it is challenging to make peace with the transient nature of all that exists. Hot Priest says about love, “It’s all any of us want, and it’s hell when we get there. So no wonder it’s something we don’t want to do on our own.”
Although we can love without clinging to the desire for permanence, Hot Priest chooses God’s love because it is sure to be everlasting. He doesn’t have the strength to choose an uncertain path with Fleabag :(
But like love, life, and everything in between, in the words of Hot Priest…
All to say, I think one of the many dharma lessons in Fleabag is that we better love with all we’ve got now, because ultimately now is the only thing we can be certain of.
Stay tuned for our next instalment of “The Dharma of…”!
(and please do let me know if you come up with a better name for this series.)
